The Devil Rides Out

The Devil Rides Out deals in some of the usual Hammer Films tropes, but adds a spin with its roaring 20s setting and by making an actor who is usually the villain into the hero. Also known as The Devil's Bride, the film was based on a novel by Dennis Wheatley.

Christopher Lee usually played a bad guy--hell, the baddest of guys--but he was equally as effective as a hero. He gives the comforting feeling that, whatever evil is coming your way, Christopher Lee knows it well and will shut it down. Oddly, this is kind of accurate: During World War II, Lee was a member of the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare--also known as the Special Operations Executive, an actual unit, dedicated to taking out Nazis by means that were... well, sometimes rather ungentlemanly. He was also six-foot-five and a direct descendant of Charlemagne.

But things kick right off with a set of opening credits that could easily be a heavy metal video if you just swapped out the soundtrack (perhaps one of Lee's own, as he had a late-in-life career as a heavy metal vocalist and was apparently a big Black Sabbath fan). Another twist to The Devil  Rides Out is that it's set in roaring 20s Britain and Satanism is just another lark for upper-class Bright Young Things.

The Duc de Richleau, aka Christopher Lee shows up to visit a friend who is hosting a "meeting" or his "astronomical society." Yeah, you ain't fooling the Duc, who has been around all the blocks, many times. Of course the meeting is actually a congregation of devil worshippers, led by none other than Charles Gray, whom you know from Diamonds Are Forever and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Here he is Mocata, the utterly unctuous leader of the local Satanic coven.

"Chickens in a basket, diagrams on a floor. Do these mean something to you?"

Rather like those in The Black Cat, it's one classy, well-dressed group of Satanists--the manor house is gorgeous, the patter is literary and the wine exquisite, and the crowd is strictly black tie and pearls, with the occasional dashiki or sari. But Christopher Lee feels nothing but disdain, as those who are "meddling with black magic" rank about as high in his esteem as Nickelback fans.

Christopher Lee waves off the devil worshippers and carries off his wanabe Satanist pal, but he's going to have to rout this bunch of vermin from the neighborhood. Any gentleman would. Really, it is interesting that The Devil Rides Out chooses as its main combatant against evil, not some radiant creature of pure goodness, but a guy who seems to know exactly what he's up against because he's been there and rolls his eyes at your puerile edgelord nonsense. You think you're a powerful mage summoning Baphomet to do your most vile and stygian bidding, to Christopher Lee you're just a spotty teen playing Marilyn Manson loud until mom makes you a Hot Pocket.

Yet another of the main differences between The Devil Rides Out and your typical Satanist horror flick is that it almost entirely dodges the conventional Judeo-Christian angle for a more ego-centered version. When he goes off on the power of his will, it's not hard to hear the distaff Alestier Crowley` philosophy. It's a choice more suitable to the film's 1920s setting as well as the post-hippie/summer of Manson period in which it was released. (I bet Jimmy Page loves this movie.)

According to the Duc de Christopher Lee, "the power of darkness is more than superstition. it is a living force that can be tapped at any given moment of the night." Something like William S. Burroughs' "ugly spirit," that malevolent force that touches some more than others, and which one must struggle to control, regardless of whether one is suppressing or focusing its darkness.

So, anyhow, the deal is that Duc de Christopher Lee's buddy is in love with this girl who's already engaged to the devil--ergo the movie's stateside title, The Devil's Bride--and Charles Gray has to make sure that nothing interferes with getting her to the church--or coven--on time. One of the ways Charles Gray tries to keep his Satanic wedding planner mojo going is by causing a rather groovy car chase with old timey cars: His eyes appear in your review mirror and next thing you know you're driving a perfectly lovely Buick Roadster off the road and getting your cloche all askew.

So Christopher Lee has to disrupt the Satanic baptism--Baptism before wedding because, hey, we're Satanists!--which he seems to be intent upon disrupting not just because it involves sacrificing souls to evil incarnate, but because it's so damned tacky. I swear that as he drives his Hispano Suzia into the center of a group of frolicking devil worshippers, he's not only chanting prayers, but muttering something about "cheap Woodstock knockoff" and "ill-fitting hospital gowns" and various maledictions against those who would drink Captain Morgan's.

"As part of one's initiation, one has to choose the name of some past great practitioner of the occult."
Oooh! Can I be Jayne Mansfield?

"The goat of Mendes! The devil himself!"

Some friends come by to visit for not other apparent reason than to supply the plot with a child to be sacrificed to Satan later--meetings, baptisms, weddings, sacrifices... I can see why one has to be upper-class to belong to this coven. One would have to be independently wealthy to have enough free time--not to mention all of the appropriate outfits--for the many mandatory activities.

Charles Gray stops by to be all shady and mind-control-y. "In magic there is neither good nor evil, there is merely a science. The science of causing change to happen merely through one's will." When his cover his blown, he flounces out, proclaiming, "I shall not be back. But something will." Could be a campy British closet case or an Avon lady, could be a bomb cyclone or a giant spider, who knows...

The climax is when Duc Lee Richleau and his cronies do some kind of magic circle thing in the library to ward of an attack by Macaca that involves wind, lightning, bats and giant spiders. And you know what's worse than giant spiders? The Angel of Death! Okay, maybe nothing is worse than giant spiders, but it's still all kinds of bad stuff...

"Don't look at the eyes!" Lee does a lot of telling people not to look at shit, or not to leave someone alone or not to turn off the light or not to remove the crucifix and they always do. Why? I have no idea: If Christopher Lee tells you to do shit, you fucking do it. Fortunately Christopher Lee can pretty much always shut evil down, since he's a 12th level magic user, as well as a 7th level fighter--and his character in The Devil Rides Out clearly has a number of mystical powers as well...

I'd rather see you dead than meddling with black magic!

This is really the big scene of the film. Sure, everyone rushes over to disrupt the human sacrifice of some woman's daughter and flip off Charles Gray but that's basically a bunch of deus ex machina and an improbable happy ending. Because even more ridiculous than "it was all a dream" is "We time-traveled back to right before all of this happened."

The Devil Rides Out is a relatively short, fast-moving horror film and one wishes it had spent a little more time developing its unorthodox Crowley-esque vision of Satanism and the humanist magic Lee uses to defeat--or at least thwart--it.

And, well, they had Charles Gray and Christopher Lee to put this over. I would sit and watch those two recite the phone book or the dialogue from an Adam Sandler movie--much less act imperious and make dismissive gestures while reciting the names of Egyptian gods and random bits of Latin.

Overall, The Devil Rides Out is a solid horror flick--it may be light on the scares, but it makes up for it with atmosphere, characterization and a unique take on an old topic. Also, it's got Christopher Lee. And, even with 280 entries on the man's IMDB page, there's never enough of that.

The Heroic Trio

Ah, how do i love this film, let me count the ways. It was in in heavy rotation on late-night mid-90s cable. Because what do people want to watch at 2:00 a.m.? Fabulous superhero women in nonsensical action flicks, that's what! Hence, The Heroic Trio.

Seriously, this is one of the three top ass-kicking female trios in film history (the other two being the chicks from Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill and the Powerpuff Girls.)

 So, let us roll call our heroines and the actresses who portray them....

First up, Invisible Girl, as played by Michelle Yeoh. You may recognize her from her role as a Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies or as the tormented heroine of the epic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
This is not the Invisible Girl from the Fantastic Four. That one is a blonde in blue, this one is a brunette in red; that one was pretty lame, this one kicks hella ass. Michelle Yeoh has the rare gift of being a skilled martial artist and an excellent actress -- and her ability to convey unearthly physicality with genuine vulnerability is invaluable to giving The Heroic Trio more emotional depth than other films of its genre. Invisible Girl is initially part of the bad guy's brainwashed army, but will the power of sisterhood be greater than the influence of sewer-dwelling demons?

Next, Thief Catcher, played by Maggie Cheung. Maggie Cheung is known for a mess of Hong Kong action films, as well as starring in the self-referential French indie Irma Vep and the poetic retro romance In the Mood for Love. Thief Catcher (also known as Chelsea and Mercy -- inconsistency of nomenclature is an issue that seems to have arisen in editing/translation) is known for showing up at impossible police standoffs and resolving problems -- for a price. She is unweighted by tedious romantic subplots and, as such, is the most fun character. You will note a certain proto-steampunk style in Thief Catcher's fondness for wearing goggles and bustiers, as well as her frequent deployment of sticks of dynamite and a motorcycle. Seriously, all she's missing is an octopus.

Finally, Wonder Woman, played by Anita Mui. Mui was a pop star in Hong Kong and co-starred in some Jackie Chan movies. This is not the Wonder Woman from the comic books and the totally awesome (at least the first season, when it was still period and fighting the Nazis) 70s television series. Also called Shadow Fox, depending on what version of the movie you have, she is married to the chief of police. He thinks she's just a housewife, rather than the local superhero who does all the shit he can't. We not only get the obvious comedy of his obliviousness, but also the sadness when she has failed to save a life and still must act all contented hausfrau when he comes home.

So, back to The Heroic Trio. Like many Hong Kong films, there are several alternate version out there and, between the variations, for-television/for-delicate sensibilities editing and some nonsensical dubbing/subtitles. This means that the plot can be hard to follow and, well, it doesn't seem like it was the clearest plot to begin with. Anyway, it goes a little something like this... some creepy guy in a white pancake makeup and a hat with horns but not cool viking horns lives under Hong Kong with some kind of undead zombie ogre eunuch army that he's going to use to kidnap a bunch of baby boys because one is going to become the Emperor. why does he need a baby emperor when he only intends to rule himself and already has an army? I dunno...

Wonder Woman is trying to prevent the kidnappings -- with the help of abundant wire-fu --  while Invisible Girl is the one carrying them out. She's invisible, thanks to the cloak of invisibility her scientist boyfriend is working on -- i believe she "borrows" it while he's passed out from exhaustion and toxic chemicals. Yes, another career-obsessed man who knows nothing of his lady's ultra-powerful secret life. Men running around doing "important" things while the women TCB is a recurring motif in this film. However, both couples do come to a point where they recognize each others' abilities and sacrifices... which truly makes The Heroic Trio a strange hybrid of women's film and action film. But note that the emotional niceties are dispatched and then the females go back to saving and killing, killing and saving.

So, baby kidnapping continues, police continue to be useless, Wonder Woman tries to stop things as best she can. Thief Catcher sees a payday, so she gets involved too...

Then one of the Giant Ogre Undead Eunuch Zombies shows up to take a a bunch of people in a train station hostage and casually decapitate them with the dreaded flying guillotine while waiting for a train to crash into the station (rather like Master of the Flying Guillotine and Silver Streak happening at the same time), figuring that this will draw Wonder Woman. Oh, and he's surrounded the building with land mines. However, Wonder Woman and Thief Catcher have joined forces, so they manage to minimize the loss of life. But they will need to turn Invisible Girl to their side....

 I'd take the motorcycle and the shotgun over the horses and the swords too, but that's just me.

So, more noble sacrifice, more broken hearts, more changing of sides. Also, there's some subplot about childhood flashbacks but, really, who cares? Not when we end with multiple fights, numerous explosions and a blood-spitting, bone-cracking, rotting-corpse battle like something out of Evil Dead.

The Heroic Trio is a bit silly and/or mawkish in spots, but it's also got its share of over-the-top craziness and should satisfy anyone's desire for endless high-energy action scenes with a side of battling the undead. Yet, at the same time, it has been read as a metaphor for the three Chinas and as a feminist critique. It will always hold a special place in my heart for introducing me to a whole host of brilliant Hong Kong action chick movies, from Sex and Fury to Wing Chun to Naked Killer to Holy Weapon.

Shoot 'Em Up

Some movies are designed to be crazy and Shoot 'Em Up is one of them. Even the great Roger Ebert liked this movie, describing it as going "much, much further than merely too far" -- coming from the screenwriter of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, that is one shitfuck of a compliment. 

It's a ludicrously excessive action flick, here legions of baddies are dispatched with handguns, machine guns, knives, fists, ropes and carrots. And, of course, it has Clive Owen. Clive Owen. If i began to sing the praises of Clive Owen, i would never stop, so i'll just let the mooning and cooing happen naturally along the way...

So Clive Owen is sitting at a bus stop somewhere in the ghetto, drinking coffee and eating a carrot (the recurring carrot will be funny at first...). A woman who looks to be about ten minutes from giving birth runs by screaming, with a gun-wielding thug in hot pursuit. Nice opener, that. Catches the attention.

Wait... that was an asshole with a gun chasing a pregnant lady, wasn't it? "Ahhhh, fuckin' hell!"

Clive Owen sighs, throws his cup away and gives chase. Soon there's a mess of gun-wieding thugs -- actually, in this film they are known as mooks -- and Clive Owen is merrily wasting them all in one of those big fight-scene warehouses full of chains and stairs. Clive Owen naturally makes short fucking work of these assholes and delivers the baby while making witty comments about their pursuers, "I hate these forty-seven year-old jackholes wearing ponytails. That ponytail does not make you look young, hip, or cool." Blam! Off with the back of his head! 

What Clive Owen hates will also be a recurring motif in this film, and will work better than the carrot. Did you know a carrot can puncture a man's skull? Neither did i. But this is far from the first or most aggressive denial of the laws of physics presented by Shoot 'Em Up.

Paul Giamatti plays our villain, Mr. Hurtz -- geddit? It's a bit of unconventional casting, sure but i can't imagine a guy who's played the schlub for thirty years not chomping at the bit to be the crazed, sadistic killer for a change. And he gets to beat up on Clive Owen (or at least shout and shoot at him) which must've been fun motivating for: "You're! So! Handsome! Women! Love! You! Even! Some dudes! I'm! A little! Chubby! Bald guy! Take! That! Hah!"

 1 merry go-round + 1 sniper rifle + 1 handgun + 1 baby = loads of fun

Anyway, mom winds up killed by a stray bullet. Clive Owen keeps trying to abandon baby, but every time it is made clear that baby and everyone around baby will die without Clive Owen to protect them. So Clive Owen goes to see lactating prostitute (O, what a brave new world we live in where that is a commonly understood job title.) Donna Quintana -- yeah, D.Q., we geddit -- to pay her to watch/feed "it," as he refers to the baby. She throws Clive Owen and his $5,000 out of her bedroom. (Crazy, but as we all know: No matter how hot he is, some woman somewhere has had enough of his bullshit. Still, Clive Owen and five grand...) Of course, then the bad guy shows up. Of course then Clive Owen comes back to rescue her.

He takes D.Q. and baby back to his loft... which has planters full of carrots. Seriously, this is getting old. Clive Owen and D.Q. finally bond with baby, baby who enjoys watching guns being cleaned and loves heavy metal music -- yup, kid has found the right ersatz parents. Of course bad guy chases them there, another shootout (to the tune of "Ace of Spades" i might add). 

Many movies are gun-obsessed, but Shoot 'Em Up is special. There's an odd specificity about how many bullets are left, is the safety on, is there a gun lock, is the lock biometric, etc.There is much fixtation on what brands and calibers of guns people are carrying. A gun manufacturer is a character, a gun warehouse is a set, second amendment rights and Washington politics are the ostensible motivator of the plot. (And, weirdly, i think this movie is pro-gun control. I think....) The gun warehouse set piece is pretty spectacular, a sort of Rube Golderbeg maze of ropes and machine guns.

Even when pursued by a dozen killers, Clive Owen still takes time out to sideswipe rude drivers. "You wanna know the difference between a luxury car and a porcupine... with a porcupine, the pricks are on the outisde." Yes, indeed. Clive Owen hides hooker and baby in a tank, then goes off in search of whomever is trying to kill the baby... which is fast becoming his baby, kinda...

 

So, why is the nebbish trying to kill the baby? Let's just say that it has something to do with politics and medical research and the second amendment. Or, as they say, "America: Where a poor man can become rich and a pussy can become a tough guy with a gun in his hand." (Well, at least half of that is true.) Clive Owen also has some kind of backstory that we don't really need: He's angry about mooks and nebbishes abusing his girl and trying to kill a baby. What more motivation is required? This is a CARTOON! The scene with the gunfights as people jump from an airplane with and without parachutes? Made me laugh like a Looney Tune! Plot is something you just kinda dispense with as quickly and cleanly as possible and let people lean back and enjoy the ride.

In it's over-the-top mania, Shoot 'Em Up is reminiscent of another divinely craptacular flick, Drive Angry. There's a mysterious hero, a baby in danger, a fight-off-the-bad-guys-while-fucking-the-chick sequence. Drive Angry has a meta-rural/suburban white-trash motor court setting; Shoot 'Em Up has the more-common faux-noir urban milieu . 

Overall, Shoot 'Em Up is a brain-dead good time at the movies. Clive Owen continues in the badass vein of the man who can cut off  Madonna's balls without even taking his hands off the wheel of his fast car. Did i mention that he looks stunning in a tuxedo -- Clive Owen was apparently the first choice for the Brosnan-replacement Bond and, while i am a fan of Daniel Craig, i still think Clive Owen would have been incredible.  Still could be, y'know...